As move-in day gets closer, it's normal for anxiety to ramp up as reality sets in. College stops being an idea and becomes so much more real as the move-in date nears. You're actually moving out, away from home, on your own. Even though you're excited, it's also very nerve-wracking, even if you keep telling yourself, “Everything is fine.” Of course the anxiety pops up.There's a lot of uncertainty wrapped up in this big life change.
You don't get to choose which thoughts and feelings pop into your head. Nervousness and excitement actually run on the same wiring, both are just your brain looking ahead, and they're all normal and expected. What you do get to choose is which one gets more of your attention. That's the choice this whole guide keeps coming back to, not whether you feel nervous, but where you decide to point it. Anxiety's job, when you already have the information you need, is simply to help you plan ahead.
You don't get to choose which thoughts and feelings pop into your head. Nervousness and excitement actually run on the same wiring, both are just your brain looking ahead, and they're all normal and expected. What you do get to choose is which one gets more of your attention. That's the choice this whole guide keeps coming back to, not whether you feel nervous, but where you decide to point it. Anxiety's job, when you already have the information you need, is simply to help you plan ahead.
Before you open one more tab and go down another rabbit hole, ask yourself a simple question: are you truly looking for information, entertainment, or reassurance
You might want certainty before you arrive, but it's absolutely normal and okay that you don't have it. What you actually need isn't certainty, it's adaptability: trusting you can handle it once you're there.
Once you accept that you can't know everything ahead of time, the next thing to accept is that you will have problems. It's part of the rite of passage. The roommate situation might be a little rocky. Your schedule might have a gap you didn't want. The dining hall food probably won't be home cooking. So, you adjust and make it work. You don't have to fear the problems, deal with them if and when they arise.
Think about the last time you walked into something unfamiliar: a first day, a new team, a new job. It felt uncertain right up until you were in it, and then you handled it, because by then you had the information you needed. Even when it didn't go the way you imagined, you still worked it out. That's what you're bringing with you: not certainty, but proof you can handle whatever comes. You are a problem-solver.
Lead with ‘I wonder’ instead of ‘what if.’ Get curious about what could happen, rather than assuming it will go badly. Worry and curiosity ask the same question, ‘what's going to happen?’ But they lead you to very different places. Worry assumes the worst and keeps you circling the same what-ifs without ever getting closer to an answer.
Curiosity holds space for a good outcome too, then goes and finds out. That experience will always teach you more than research or talking about it ever will. You can read a hundred articles about making friends and still learn more from one random Tuesday outing or conversation than from all the articles combined. If someone invites you to something and you're not sure about it, go. If you see a club or group that sounds interesting, check it out. You can't make a real decision about a hypothetical situation, so go get the actual information: is this person, this group, this activity a good fit for you? Curiosity gets you an answer. Worry just keeps you guessing.
When I think of fitting in, it means making yourself “fit.” That is, potentially changing yourself so people accept you. Constantly trying to fit in is exhausting, often anxiety-provoking, and doesn't actually make you feel less alone. You don't have to like everyone, and everyone doesn't have to like you. Belonging means finding people where you feel comfortable being yourself. It may take a little longer to show up, but it's worth being patient with the process.
In the same way, chasing a good impression works against you. When you're worried about whether people like you or you're being judged, you stop being present in the moment. That self-monitoring can make it harder to actually connect and can create the awkwardness you were trying to avoid. Instead of performing the version of yourself you think others want, think about who you want to be and show up that way: friendly, kind, curious, interested in others, and authentically yourself.
That choice of where to put your focus gets harder in the moment, when worry actually spikes and overthinking takes over. First, simply notice that you're overthinking, without judging yourself for it. Then run through the check:
Most of what you're worried about sorts itself out in the first two questions.
Finding your people takes time. So does figuring out the rest of it. None of this gets decided in week one. You have the coming months and years to make your mark, not days. You'll figure it out once you're there, because that's really the only option, and there's something freeing in that. Show up, be yourself, and let it unfold.
